Vblog - Protocol & Etiquette in Between China and the US

©The Jokes Speak the Truth

A freind of my sent me this joke (see below) through an email.  I was really laughing hard as I was reading through it.  In the meantime, it made me thinking how we should actually improve the intimate relationships between a wife and husband who, perhaps have been married to each other for so long......

It seems like a joke but it's NOT.  Hope you'll ask yourslfe a question of "what is my wife looking for from me?" if you are husband; of "what is my husband looking for from me" if you are a wife.

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TO MY DEAR WIFE:
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.  I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.  The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be sleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
KEEP READING.......
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TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls 
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching TV

.................

Taking a shower after cooking Chinese food

As my friends and I were trying to come up with the top ten tips for the last Valentine’s Day, I said the following, which was a big hit in our community and has been quoted all over the web forum.

“Besides lighting the candles, and putting on some music, one thing every woman has to know is to take a shower after cooking.  If she wants to cook a deep fried Chinese dinner for her date then make sure you clean yourself up, after you cook. Get the cooking done, hop in the shower and then spray your body with your favorite scent and change into a set of sexy, silky lingerie, or pop out with a trench coat on and nothing on underneath.” 

It is obvious why anyone, but particularly all my Chinese women friends identify with this tip – they all have had experiences with the oily fumes when they stay in a kitchen frying and frying all that food.  The oil fumes are rather sticky and have an ability to penetrate all over your body: your hands, arms, neck, hair…..  It is absolutely no fun to subject your date to these smells when their mind should be elsewhere. 

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■ The Joke of the Day

What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?

  When the power goes off.