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Engrish in Asia

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Chinese Modesty or Fishing-for-Compliments?

I went to a parent – teacher conference at my son’s school last night.  There were six parents sitting at a table with one schoolteacher, (let’s call her Ms. Teacher) in attendance.  “Ms. Teacher” is an American and the school is an American curriculum high school in Hong Kong.

“How’s my son?” One of the Chinese parents asked Ms. Teacher.

“He’s a terrible senior student, right?” said the parent again before getting any reply form the teacher.

“How could say your own son is terrible?  He is your son.”  Someone said with a laughing voice in a Middle Eastern accent. 

Every one laughed.  But the parent who asked the question looked very serious waiting for an answer from Ms. Teacher.

“He’s doing great.  He is very social, and he works hard.”  Said Ms Teacher with enthusiasm and encouragement.

As someone who is almost addicted to observe any and all intercultural events, I asked Ms. Teacher how she felt about this parent’s modest question.

“Ho, I’ve been in Hong Kong for about 35 years and quite used to deal with Chinese parents.  That’s not really Chinese modesty.  Instead, I think he was fishing for a compliment.  What he wanted to hear is how good his son is.” Said Ms. Teacher.

Do we outwardly insist upon the worst in the hopes of confirming something better?  I’d be interested to know what you think.

Is This Chinese Candor or a Cultural Handicap?

Pam, a good friend of mine recently came back to the Bay Area from Taiwan with her family.  She told me that her daughter had a tough time in Taiwan.

“How come?” I asked.

“People are too direct.  In Taiwan they tell her right in front of her face that she’s fat and needs to lose weight.” Pam said.

“Oh no. Don’t say that . . .”  I said, shaking head with desperation.  Regrettably, I know just what she means.   

“My family said this to her.  My friends used this language too. People I didn’t even know on the street told her she was fat.  It’s so terrible, rude and cruel to use such language to a nine year-old girl.  Why do they do that?  I hate it, hate it hate it!” Pam said with anger and desperation.

I TOTALLY hear you Pam.  I share your pain as a mother.  I too struggle as someone who lives between two cultures.

In my own life I’ve experienced similar rudeness with my older five-year old daughter after we moved to Hong Kong from San Francisco.

Story one:

A few days in a row, my daughter came home saying the Chinese words for “big fat” (Da Pang Zi).  I asked here where she learned these words.

“People in the play ground said I am a Da Pang Zi.” She told me.

Story two:

My babysitter told me that some people had said that my younger daughter is prettier than my older one in the play ground right in front of my older daughter.

“Mom, do you think Siena (my younger daughter) is really prettier than me?” My older daughter asked me with a sad tone.

Needless to say, I am mad and angry with these oafs who choose their words so carelessly.  Sometimes it does feel hopeless, trying to protect my children from this sort of Chinese bluntness in the vast world of Greater China.

“My mom said people do this is out of good will.  They hope you will look better.  They mean nothing harmful.” My friend Pam said.

As matter of fact, these people have hurt Pam, me and our daughters with something they are not even aware of.  They may not know any better, but they are abusive, nonetheless.

“It seems people there (Taiwan) have less tolerance of other people’s differences.  I feel like we have a different sense of what is right and what is wrong.” Pam said.

I think that’s absolutely true.  My perceptions of what is acceptable have been fundamentally altered by my time outside of Greater China.  With regards to my daughter’s case it is simply ridiculous for anyone to use the word “fat”.  She’s tall for her age and looks as if she’s seven when she is in fact only five.  She seems big, particularly compared to most of the Chinese kids who are relatively smaller physically.  Needless to say she is gorgeous in her own way, just as my younger daughter is.  Each have their own unique beautiful features and comparing on relative beauty is a waste of oxygen.   

I am speaking for myself and for my friend Pam.  We were hurt in a manner, which is nearly impossible to describe as a mother.  Accordingly, I’d like to call for a cultural moratorium on adults using derogatory language when they speak to children.  It’s not only Chinese who do this of course.  But we can collectively ask ourselves for a higher standard of mutual support and discretion.

I would like to see all the relevant media organs: TV, radio, magazines, newspapers, web ports, etc., in Taiwan, Hong Kong & Mainland China to ask for a higher standard from our civilization.  The message should be –

No one has the right to put a child down, period.  Stop using such language!

People like Pam and myself grew up within a culture where we hear people said things like this all the time, but somehow, we learned how to deal with it as adults.  We’re familiar with it and we can filter out such put-down.   We have our own immunization system to protect us from idiotic words like this.  .

But how can you expect a young child of five or nine to protect herself from it?

Go ahead . . . ask for a raise

The story of how my friend Liwen (pin name - Yu Pianer) asked her boss for a raise has been lingering around my mind since she and I met at the Ritz Carlton Hotel in Hong Kong earlier this summer.

"All my Chinese friends said I should wait till my boss makes an offer but my American boy friend said I needed to ask for a raise." Liwen said.

"Look how hard you work for them" Her boy friend had told her. "And how much money you have brought into the company. Think about your own value. It's not just about the dollars; it's your self worth."

Liwen explained how difficult it was. "I've been hesitating for quite a few months as to whether or not I should ask for a raise. I haven't talked pay since I took this job right after I graduated from my MBA program. One day, I told myself . . . I am just going to do it. I took the opportunity of going out for lunch with my boss and some colleagues. I waited till we are done with meal and paired-off together on the way back to the office . . . "

"So what do you think of my performance?" Liwen asked to her American boss.

"It's good." said her boss.

"So, you think I am doing a good job and meeting my quota?" Liwen continued.

"Yes, you are doing well." said her boss. "So, what are you going to do with me? You know it's very expensive to live in San Francisco and I am thinking of buying a house…." Said Liwen.

"What do you want me to do?" Her boss went straight to the point.

"Have you ever thought of giving me a raise?" Liwen finally spelled it out.

"And that was it. I got it. My boss gave me a raise. Just like that. Of course he negotiated a bit as to how much I should get but I am happy with how it's turned out. Looking back, I felt silly about myself – how hard it is to open my mouth and ask for a raise? What stopped me was just my own fear of rejection. What if my boss turned me down? All these pre-set ideas, driven by my Chinese cultural background had conditioned my behavior. These days I would just recommend my friends to just get over their fear and ask – open your mouth and say it. What do you have to loose if they say "no"?" Liwen mused.

Like many of us, Liwen was trying to balance her value system between her Chinese cultural background and the realities of personal and professional life in the United States. Here was a woman who had gained an MBA at Boston University, had earned the title of Director, with an aviation finance company and who was a dedicated contributor to the "The New China Etiquette" newsletter. Liwen certainly had many reasons to be confident and proud. But as her conversation with her American boss suggests, Liwen had great trouble seeing herself as someone worthy of a raise. Instead, she's expected her boss to acknowledge her value and make the first move. She attributes the reason for asking to the cost of living in San Francisco, not her intrinsic value to the organization. .

And in a flash, I thought of Liwen and her boss when I was watching TV the other night. I had on a CCTV Channel 9 program. There was a cook who had won the prize of "The King of the Hot Pot". The show's host was shouting at the audiences "we hope his (the cook's) boss will offer him a big raise!" The cook rushed to the microphone and said "No, no no no, I don't need any more money and my pay is already high enough. All I want is that my boss thinks that I am important to him and his business."

"The Chinese – and Asians generally enter into employment with a different understanding than we have in Europe. For us, the company certainly is important, but mainly as an employment base. To the Chinese, the company is more like a family. The idea is, "I am giving myself to Siemens. Now you have to take care of me.'"

- By Dr. Ernst Behrens, President, Siemens China

While some executives at multi-national corporations do spend a lot of time on how to build a positive family-style workplace with their Chinese employees in the PRC, Chinese professionals working in American companies in Silicon Valley don't have the luxury (or the burden) of being cultivated as a "special group." They probably enjoy significantly better base-pay than most PRC compatriots. But to get the attention they need from the top management at American companies they must learn to compete and assert themselves like Americans. From what I can see, Chinese professionals in the Bay Area tend to innovate as best they can on how to balance their Chinese behaviors/expectations with the American or Valley corporate workplace, which is much less familial.

In the case of our friend the cook, he needn't say anything else to his boss about what he wants or deserves. His boss (and the audience) certainly understands where he's coming from, and why his expectations work the way they do. Both the cook and boss are coming from the Chinese context and understand each other's language and cultural code.

Liwen, on the other hand was forced to evolve. She had to work harder and demonstrate what she wanted and expected from her American boss. She was wrong to expect her boss would take the initiative to get to know and understand her Chinese perceptions and behaviors. So Liwen had to take the lead for getting the raise. She, like many of us, had to learn and adapt to how things work in the US where there is little patience or accommodation for our Chinese traits and culture.

Points to consider: Have confidence to ask your American boss for a proper raise, if you truly believe you deserve it. It wouldn't hurt to assemble some data and some evidence to support your case, as you may be challenged. (Hey, I met my quota . . . San Francisco is one of the most expensive cities in the country . . . etc.) But to never ask will not be respected. Instead it suggests the person lacks the necessary self-confidence for success in corporate America. Go ahead . . . ask.

“Go back and fill out the card in Chinese!”

I was going through immigration at the Beijing airport heading back to Hong Kong this afternoon. After waited in the line for about 10 minutes and it was my turn to show all the travel documents to the custom officer, a young Chinese woman in a light blue uniform.

She looked my Chinese passport and the Departure Card I filled out for leaving the country. Then she looked me and said in a very stiff, commanding voice “go back and fill out the card in Chinese!”

The Departure Card I filled out was in English, which I’d done automatically. I wasn’t even aware that it might be an issue. As someone who lived in the US for almost a decade working back and forth in between China and the US so many times, filling out the Departure Cards or Entrance Cards in English is something I do naturally. They process them in either language and I never considered it would be an issue.

Honestly, I was very angry and asked in Chinese– Does it have to be in both Chinese and English? “You are Chinese and you have to fill it out in Chinese!” She didn’t even look at me.

Do I need her to remind me of my Chinese identity? NO. I’ve always intended to keep my Chinese passport and not apply for the US citizenship for a very simple reason – I don’t want to lose my Chinese nationality. This, although I was eligible to get a US passport many years ago. I travel to China with my US green card.

This young Chinese woman may have felt I was doing this on purpose. She may have found me arrogant, or ignorant. Perhaps she thought I pretending for effect. Maybe she was simply jealous of my relative freedom to come to and leave from China as I pleased. Whatever the reasons behind her attitude, commanding me to “go back and fill it out in Chinese” as if I were less than human, was her own issue to deal with. I just wished she could ask me differently, even it is REALLY NECCESARY to fill out the card in both Chinese and English ( we all know it doesn’t matter whether it’s filled out in Chinese or English). She could say –

- “I believe you write Chinese beautifully, could you please fill it out in Chinese?”

- “it would be great if you could also fill it out in Chinese. Thank you.”

I would have even accepted: - "Ms. the regulations state Chinese citizens must fill the card out in Chinese. Please prepare the card in Chinese as well."

My feelings to her would be totally different, if she had said above words. Maybe I am just dreaming. Bureaucrats in any country are rarely known for going out of their way to be polite.

I realized today that I needed to manage my “Multiple Identity Disorder” issue. I use the term of ‘Multiple Identity Disorder” because like many Chinese who lived and worked in the US for many years, I am in between the two cultures. As my husband said, to be truly bi-cultural is always painful. I just simply can’t behave like a 100% local Chinese in China, any more than I could ever really completely adopt American culture!

Filling out the Departure Card in Chinese is a natural extension of my American day-to-day life and, it never occurred to me whether I should fill it out in Chinese or English. As matter of fact, I do sometimes fill out the cards in Chinese.

From an etiquette point of view, this young Chinese immigration officer certainly has a lot of things she needs to work on in her own maturation process. From the big-picture perspective I find it sad to be reminded how low the level of courtesy is by Chinese officials towards Chinese people at my nation’s capital airport, and by extension, throughout the country. This woman is just one manifestation of our slow evolution towards greater civility among Chinese people.

I may see her and going through her checking counter again in my next trip to Beijing around end of May. Maybe I can get her to smile this time . . .

Ghosts, Fengshui and being Chinese with my German friend

Acclimating to America can be tough. We all know it. We all live it. There are a thousand little things that make day to day life as a foreigner in the USA difficult. For Chinese Americans in the Bay Area this takes on a certain flavor. At least we have a robust community to draw upon for reference. But even with this it is taxing to work through the mores of the dominant culture.

And that is why I found it so interesting to be over in Hong Kong recently, speaking with Ms. Christa Koch-Kessler, a seasoned hotelier with more than 20 years' experience of stylish entertaining in Asia and Europe. Christa runs an etiquette consultancy - ClassAct. While I was speaking with her about the challenges she had in establishing her operation in Hong Kong, I was struck by how familiar it seemed to me and my life in California.

Christa is from Germany. She first went to China seventeen years ago to do a short project with a large international hotel group. She arrived in 1989. “I arrived to turn around a project quickly and never left, although I never intended to stay. As a result, I never really learned to speak Chinese. I always said I was going next year, or the year after that. But in the end I never left.” She has been working in the region ever since her first arrival, and over time has developed an exceptional facility to work across cultures despite her language barrier.

“How did I survive? I learned to deal with them (the Chinese) by adopting to the way they think. To see where they were coming from and convincing them to allow me to lead. I used the way they think to secure the authority to be in charge.” she said.

I thought this perspective was amazing. Besides being an insightful look into business management in general, this really rings a bell for me, as someone who works with trying to adjust to America. We Chinese Americans are always trying to “adopt to the way they think.” And some of us are more successful than others at it. And it is important for us to have confidence in our own culture and leverage that to drive acceptance of what we do and how we do it.

Indeed, she actually took it further than I would have at first imagined. When I was discussing my new apartment in Hong Kong, she asked me if I’d hired a geomancer to check for the buildings feng shui. “Feng Shui?” I told her that I’d love to but this was not at the top of my list of must-do things for my trip. When I said that I was looking for antique furniture, she mentioned that it was rare for her to meet a Chinese person who was willing to buy antique furniture. Most Chinese, she continued, were worried that the furniture might have ghosts. Spirits somehow associated with the various pieces could be lurking about. This is like listening to my Auntie, as a child, I explained. Half jokingly, I commented that she seemed more Chinese than me . . .

Here was a woman who had really “gone native.” She had adopted local customs and perspectives in a way that was completely foreign to me. In general it’s always the case that the new comers try to adopt to the host environment, and the dominant culture. It doesn’t matter if one is a Chinese in Silicon Valley or an American in Shanghai everyone wants to fit in.

Is it “Yes” or “No.”

This is a real story happened to one of my friends, Mr. Greg (not his real name).  His whole position at his job was threatened because he couldn’t say “yes” or “no.”  Could anything really be that simple? 

Well, Mr. Greg was a salesman and when his boss would ask him, if he could deliver on something he would always reply with something other than “yes” or “no”.  Instead he would say “I ought to be able to.”  Or “Its going to be difficult” or “Maybe”.  Every time Mr. Greg would respond like this and his boss would go through the roof.  “Look, is it Yes, or NO? Are you going to do it or NOT?”

Mr. Greg is a nice guy and he is good with words, but in this case his wordiness was doing him a disservice.  The boss would regularly have to ask him to clarify his response with a yes or no answer.  Eventually the boss began to think he had a problem.  “He’s been with us for four months now and he doesn’t know how to deal with me.  Look I’m busy.  I can’t spell it out any clearer for this guy.”

I saw what was going on with Mr. Greg and the boss and it pained me.  Mr. Greg is a capable sales guy with a lot of passion.  The issue seemed to have such a simple solution.  I spoke with him about it and asked him:  Why don’t you just say yes, or no when he asks you.  His reply was interesting.  He said: “Its never that simple”

I thought that was illuminating.  “It may not be that simple for you, Mr. Greg, but it is that simple for your boss.  He doesn’t want the details; he wants to know whether you are going to make it happen or not.  He won’t slam you if you can’t.  But don’t stay on the fence.  Let him know, so he can move on.”

We talked for a while and I finally made the point that your boss is a busy guy.  You’ve got to come to him with solutions, not problems.  Come to him with recommendations.  Even if they aren’t perfect, suggestions for action are better than hand wringing about how things aren’t going to work.  If they CAN’T work and you know it, better tell the boss straight away, rather than later.   Meanwhile, Mr. Greg is working on his one-word answers.

What’s the moral of the story?

1. Communication, communication & communication – learn how to communicate with people and deliver your message in the right context.
2. Manage people’s expectation.
3. Be careful with the language you use.  Listen closely to people about what they may expect from you and chose your words carefully. 

Sometimes we do fall on something that seems small and not that significant i.e. “yes” or “no.”  We are all human beings and have our likes and dislikes on the small things.  And our decision making process is chaotic and back and forth, zigzagging between feelings, thoughts, facts, and analysis.  No exceptions with the CEOs and your boss.  You may offend them by saying or doing things at a dinner table, lunch event, or any other social functions.  And you don’t even know they may not like you any more.

Related Link:

how to communicate with your boss and other key decision makers at a social function?

My Farewell Party

Back in the spring of 1998 when my husband and I were living Boston, we both took job offers with Motorola Electronics China respectively and decided to leave Boston for China. His family held a farewell party for us in New York City. There were over 30 people and every one of them had tons of fun, except me. Why? Well, I expected every one of them would come up to me and speak to me with something like “congratulations on your new job,” etc. Some of them did, but not everyone. I thought whoever had not done this was really disrespectful to me.

I still remember how unhappy or even angry I was as the party stretched towards midnight with no end in sight. I pulled my husband to the side and said “look, tell people they need to go. I can’t stand it anymore. This is a party for you and me not for them. They shouldn’t turn it into a time for them to all just catch up.”

There are plenty of party etiquette issues that could be addressed here, but I am not going to get into it just now. Instead, I wanted analyze how my Chinese expectation of a farewell party changed when confronted by American individualism and attendant informality. I would have had a different feeling if the party were taking place today after having lived in the US for nearly a decade. I would be prepared to handle a group of Americans at a party setting. Today I’d dive right in. But back then, I wasn’t yet ready to swim. I had only been in the US for two years, and there were many things, I didn’t understand.

At the New York party, many of my husband’s friends brought along friends of their own, whom I was two degrees removed from. They were cheerfully enjoyed the food and drink, and quite a few of them went on the roof enjoying the night view of New York City. They didn’t return downstairs until they were ready to leave. I thought all of these people were rude for ignoring the party theme and the party hosts.

Individualism and informality have seemingly removed all sense of hierarchy and respect for authority, from the lives of Americans. This is in direct opposition to my Confucian values. I am imbued with a set of hierarchical values, such as respecting your elders and kow tow-ing to the hosts if it is you who are the guest. I was expecting every guest at my farewell party to come up to me and acknowledge my existence. I was frustrated when some people didn’t do it. But I couldn’t explain the way they behaved. All I could say at that time was “well, this is America and they are very different.”

What would I do differently if I were going to have another farewell party? I would make a list of people I would like to invite and send out my personal invitations. Once I knew who was coming, I would prepare welcoming remarks for the beginning of the party and be sure to introduce myself to everyone who came. I wouldn’t wait for other people to come up to engage me; instead, I would go up to them, making them aware of my existence. Taking a leadership role and demonstrating ownership for my life is something I have learned in the US. Passively waiting for other people to acknowledge you could be fatal experiment with your life.

For me the American experience is a blend with my Chinese foundation. There is no reason to waste time in America waiting for Americans to act Chinese. And why should I deny that I have learned many important things here, as well. I needn’t completely negate either experience. Instead, I try to integrate my core values with the best of what I learn as I proceed through my life. These days my empowered, American identity would engage a party proactively, discerning politeness and acknowledging respect where I found it, rather than sulking about how no one saw the things that should have been obvious to me. What better way to inform them of the proper way to behave at a party with a Chinese hostess . . .

What’s your real name?

This quote is from Helen’s blog. It’s fairly safe to say that majority of us who have an Egnlish name as our first name may have/had experinced the similar questions at an event in the US. I was asked a few times just the other day at a company dinner cruise event in San Francisco.

- Vida? Is that your real name?

- Vida? That doesn’t sound Chinese?

- Very nice meeting you Vida. Does Vida mean anything in Chinese? I know it means life in Spanish.

- My pleasrue meeting you Vida. Do you have a Chinese name?              

What are they looking for here? They are looking for something, which is marked with a sticker of “Made in China”. Whoever has read Helen’s blog of “My Real Name” will feel the pain of a Chinese woman struggling for a self – identity as an immigrant in the US. Who is she? Is she an American? Is she a Chinese?

I am not going to get into the issue of the search for an immigrant identity in the US. Instead, I wanted to take a close look at what Helen said was the third identity of “mankind”.

This is a very powerful notion: that we can transcend our ethical background into a universal mankind. “Whether we are Chinese, Indian, Russian, Mexican, Italian, or Kenyan, we are all one.”

As I am writing this article, I am gazing at a picture of Helen and Judi (above), which was taken at Startbucks on University Avenue in Palo Alto just one week ago. I am lost in my thought as I am looking at the picture - both Helen and Judi’s image fades away and I see two young Chinese girls with the red scaves around their necks. They were holding the little read Mao’s book and lifting up and down their arms cyring “Long long live Chairman Mao” before they could sit down to start the class. They sat through their early aulthood with the Chinese education system. Now here they are – Helen with her tall decaf mocha and Judi driking a regular latte at a cafe in the United States.

From the red scarf gilrs in China to the sophisicated women in Caifornia, Helen and Judi have gone through the struggles we most of CAEA members went through – we all have developed our own survival strategy for life in the United States. Therefore, we all changed. We changed ways we don’t even understand sometimes.

In change management, change is defined as “ the window through which the future enters your life.” It’s all around you in many types and shapes. You can bring in about yourself or it can come to you in ways. As the immigrants, it seems we don’t have much choice about how to get around in a foreign country. We have to learn the language, we have to learn how to drive, we have to learn the way of doing business here, we have to learn how the local people live their life…..

Then what? When you look back, you find yoursef falling into a place where which can’t completely be defined as Chinese or American. You are like a mixed drink with its own flavor. You draw strengh from Chinese history and culture but are not bound by it. In order to survive, we took from the US land the things we needed. We adjusted the life in the US enviorment, and it has now become part of who we are, affecting our attitudes toward ourselves.

How many of you have heard of sayings like this – we are not an Amecian in the US and we are not a Chinese in China. Who are we? We are “mankind” as Helen suggested.

“I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.”     - Martin Luther King

You have to confess….(part one)

Both ladies had a big gut-laugh at a lunch gathering recently when they learned that each had used the “C” word with their husbands in their early days of life in the US.  “C” is for “Confess”, of course.  As in  – “you have to confess…...”

These ladies thought themselves sophisticated individuals and ones who are well acclimated to life in America.  Like many of their Chinese immigrant friends, they were accustomed to the reality of not always choosing the most appropriate English word, in their day-to-day conversations. 

What they had really meant to say was – “husband, you have to admit . . . that something is . . .”  Admission and confession are, somewhat different.  And how did the husbands react?  Both men responded with the same sort of message:  “Confess?”  Did I commit a sin?  Did I commit a crime?  If I need to confess I’ll go the priest.  I won’t go to you for Confession darling!

The point being made here is that it’s not easy to grab the subtlety of a foreign language.  As English non-native speakers, we all make mistakes of one kind or another.  I am sure that many of you who are reading this blog would share the same feeling:

• A feeling of frustration that you didn’t mean to offend anyone but for whatever reason, you did because you couldn’t use the precise words for what you wanted to say.

• A feeling of struggle, searching all the vocabulary stored in your head to find the right word in discussions with people.

• A feeling of anxiety that you wish you could speak perfect English so you could add some flare to your professional and social conversations.

• A feeling of being stupid.  Limited because you couldn’t strike an intelligent conversation with your American co-workers.

• A feeling of hoping they would have some sympathy for you, because you are not from the United States.

The truth is, you may be cut some slack by your American peers, if you are from another culture.  But, you don’t really want to rely on such slack if you want to get ahead in your career.  If you look around the Chinese professionals in the San Francisco Bay Area, you’ll be amazed by how many of them actually gained their PhDs and Masters degrees at top American universities.  But, if the truth be told, many of them are stuck in mid-level engineering positions because their English communication skills are middling.  They never blame themselves.  Instead they complain that there is a glass ceiling in the Corporate American workplace.

“I look around at the people who are considered successful and found that they are very knowledgeable about so many different things.  They can talk about food, movies, travel, wine and many other things which are not all related to what they do every day at work.”  Said Joe Li, a software engineer at a high-tech company in Silicon Valley, who attended the CAEA Thanksgiving Rehearsal Dinner on 11/20.  “I am here to learn about wine and fine-dinning related etiquette so that I know how to behave properly at different social occasions.”

Joe’s intention was to build a set of soft skills, which are often neglected by many Chinese professionals in Silicon Valley.  Looking around Silicon Valley, there are so many Chinese associations.  All of them are focused on the same thing.  How to get funding for your startup?  How to talk to VCs?  How to build up your company?  How to protect your IP?  What business skills do you need to become a successful entrepreneur?

Certainly I am not against what these Chinese associations do.  Instead, I think it is great to start entrepreneurship within the community and keep people updated on the new trends of the technology.  As matter of fact, the beauty and power of creating a business drew me into starting and pursuing my own venture for about 2.5 years and sold it a month ago.

The story behind “you have to confess” is not just a silly joke about using the wrong English words.  It is about the process of how we as Chinese immigrants adapt to life here in the US as sophisticated and professional individuals.  Bottom line is that we are all human beings and we need to deal with other people (whether Chinese or Americans) at a level where you can click with each other emotionally.  People on the street won’t understand all your modern lingo.  Instead, they understand your smile, and your voice and your tone.  And they understand the language, which relates to them.  This is the same with your co-workers and your American peers – they all click on the language, which relates to their life.

Stay tuned for part two.  We’ll share with you on the specific things you could do to build up your domain of soft-skills.