Where do you floss your teeth?

“In the bathroom, of course.”  Said my American friend.

“What is the difference between flossing your teeth and using a toothpick to clean your teeth?”  I asked.

“The motion is different.  One is stretching the string back and forth like a saw and the other is to poke the stuff from between your teeth little by little.” My friend said with a twisting gesture.

“Right.  And what’s the purpose behind both these motions?” I asked.

‘To clean your teeth after a meal, of course.” He said.

“OK, great, would you floss your teeth at a dinner table?” I said.

“No, that’s a bathroom thing.” He said.

‘Then why you use a toothpick at a restaurant?” I asked. 

“Every one does it here in China.  That’s Chinese etiquette.” He said.

Hmmm.  So what’s your interpretation of this story?  Here is what I would say:

If you believe the purpose of using floss as well as the purpose of using a toothpick is, in both cases, to clean your teeth, then you should do them in private.  No one wants to see you taking stuff from your mouth and laying it on the edge of your plate.  You are polluting the setting and ruining a wonderful meal for others. 

Yes, there are many people using toothpicks in restaurants in China, even some top business executives.  Would you say this is Chinese etiquette or a bad old habit like spitting in public?  I pick the latter.  It is a pity for any foreigners to think that using the toothpicks is part of Chinese culture and etiquette and pick stuff from their mouths in front other people.  When you ask if they would do it in their home country, the answer would be “No”.  The reason foreigners do it in China is because they see Chinese people doing it and think that it is part of the local culture.

This is the pitfall of learning and adopting a foreign culture – assuming that you’re fine if you follow the locals. The local Chinese culture is evolving and changing in today’s international, internet age.  What was considered part of Chinese culture may be completely irrelevant in a modern context.  Blindly aping behavior from locals is actually a reflection of ignorance of the real local culture and its fluid progression.

So, my dear American friend, if you don’t floss in front of people, then don’t use toothpicks at any restaurant, even if the toothpicks are packaged beautifully in an embroidered Chinese lady’s shoe as shown below.

Comments

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[Paul]

Thanks for your blog essay. I always enjoy reading them. I don't know whether you are interested or not, but whenever I have been in Europe or Asia I notice differences in the ways people behave in public. For example, some people think it is OK to blow their nose into a restaurant napkin. To me, that is a no, no. But, I have seen people do that in Germany and the US I never know whether it is proper to ask for western utensils in a Chinese restaurant, but because they are available, I do. But, what does that say to my table companions? I also see people using cell phones on trains, in restaurants and even on elevators and check out lines. I see that as an intrusion on other people's space and comfort. What do the rules of etiquette say?

[Dawn]

Thanks, Vida!
I can see that I was being a slavish follower of what I thought was the local custom instead of
becoming savvy to the new etiquette that is evolving. You're right. Flossing in public would be
very rude here in the US so why would I use a toothpick in Hong Kong?