Go ahead . . . ask for a raise

The story of how my friend Liwen (pin name - Yu Pianer) asked her boss for a raise has been lingering around my mind since she and I met at the Ritz Carlton Hotel in Hong Kong earlier this summer.

"All my Chinese friends said I should wait till my boss makes an offer but my American boy friend said I needed to ask for a raise." Liwen said.

"Look how hard you work for them" Her boy friend had told her. "And how much money you have brought into the company. Think about your own value. It's not just about the dollars; it's your self worth."

Liwen explained how difficult it was. "I've been hesitating for quite a few months as to whether or not I should ask for a raise. I haven't talked pay since I took this job right after I graduated from my MBA program. One day, I told myself . . . I am just going to do it. I took the opportunity of going out for lunch with my boss and some colleagues. I waited till we are done with meal and paired-off together on the way back to the office . . . "

"So what do you think of my performance?" Liwen asked to her American boss.

"It's good." said her boss.

"So, you think I am doing a good job and meeting my quota?" Liwen continued.

"Yes, you are doing well." said her boss. "So, what are you going to do with me? You know it's very expensive to live in San Francisco and I am thinking of buying a house…." Said Liwen.

"What do you want me to do?" Her boss went straight to the point.

"Have you ever thought of giving me a raise?" Liwen finally spelled it out.

"And that was it. I got it. My boss gave me a raise. Just like that. Of course he negotiated a bit as to how much I should get but I am happy with how it's turned out. Looking back, I felt silly about myself – how hard it is to open my mouth and ask for a raise? What stopped me was just my own fear of rejection. What if my boss turned me down? All these pre-set ideas, driven by my Chinese cultural background had conditioned my behavior. These days I would just recommend my friends to just get over their fear and ask – open your mouth and say it. What do you have to loose if they say "no"?" Liwen mused.

Like many of us, Liwen was trying to balance her value system between her Chinese cultural background and the realities of personal and professional life in the United States. Here was a woman who had gained an MBA at Boston University, had earned the title of Director, with an aviation finance company and who was a dedicated contributor to the "The New China Etiquette" newsletter. Liwen certainly had many reasons to be confident and proud. But as her conversation with her American boss suggests, Liwen had great trouble seeing herself as someone worthy of a raise. Instead, she's expected her boss to acknowledge her value and make the first move. She attributes the reason for asking to the cost of living in San Francisco, not her intrinsic value to the organization. .

And in a flash, I thought of Liwen and her boss when I was watching TV the other night. I had on a CCTV Channel 9 program. There was a cook who had won the prize of "The King of the Hot Pot". The show's host was shouting at the audiences "we hope his (the cook's) boss will offer him a big raise!" The cook rushed to the microphone and said "No, no no no, I don't need any more money and my pay is already high enough. All I want is that my boss thinks that I am important to him and his business."

"The Chinese – and Asians generally enter into employment with a different understanding than we have in Europe. For us, the company certainly is important, but mainly as an employment base. To the Chinese, the company is more like a family. The idea is, "I am giving myself to Siemens. Now you have to take care of me.'"

- By Dr. Ernst Behrens, President, Siemens China

While some executives at multi-national corporations do spend a lot of time on how to build a positive family-style workplace with their Chinese employees in the PRC, Chinese professionals working in American companies in Silicon Valley don't have the luxury (or the burden) of being cultivated as a "special group." They probably enjoy significantly better base-pay than most PRC compatriots. But to get the attention they need from the top management at American companies they must learn to compete and assert themselves like Americans. From what I can see, Chinese professionals in the Bay Area tend to innovate as best they can on how to balance their Chinese behaviors/expectations with the American or Valley corporate workplace, which is much less familial.

In the case of our friend the cook, he needn't say anything else to his boss about what he wants or deserves. His boss (and the audience) certainly understands where he's coming from, and why his expectations work the way they do. Both the cook and boss are coming from the Chinese context and understand each other's language and cultural code.

Liwen, on the other hand was forced to evolve. She had to work harder and demonstrate what she wanted and expected from her American boss. She was wrong to expect her boss would take the initiative to get to know and understand her Chinese perceptions and behaviors. So Liwen had to take the lead for getting the raise. She, like many of us, had to learn and adapt to how things work in the US where there is little patience or accommodation for our Chinese traits and culture.

Points to consider: Have confidence to ask your American boss for a proper raise, if you truly believe you deserve it. It wouldn't hurt to assemble some data and some evidence to support your case, as you may be challenged. (Hey, I met my quota . . . San Francisco is one of the most expensive cities in the country . . . etc.) But to never ask will not be respected. Instead it suggests the person lacks the necessary self-confidence for success in corporate America. Go ahead . . . ask.