Is it “Yes” or “No.”

This is a real story happened to one of my friends, Mr. Greg (not his real name).  His whole position at his job was threatened because he couldn’t say “yes” or “no.”  Could anything really be that simple? 

Well, Mr. Greg was a salesman and when his boss would ask him, if he could deliver on something he would always reply with something other than “yes” or “no”.  Instead he would say “I ought to be able to.”  Or “Its going to be difficult” or “Maybe”.  Every time Mr. Greg would respond like this and his boss would go through the roof.  “Look, is it Yes, or NO? Are you going to do it or NOT?”

Mr. Greg is a nice guy and he is good with words, but in this case his wordiness was doing him a disservice.  The boss would regularly have to ask him to clarify his response with a yes or no answer.  Eventually the boss began to think he had a problem.  “He’s been with us for four months now and he doesn’t know how to deal with me.  Look I’m busy.  I can’t spell it out any clearer for this guy.”

I saw what was going on with Mr. Greg and the boss and it pained me.  Mr. Greg is a capable sales guy with a lot of passion.  The issue seemed to have such a simple solution.  I spoke with him about it and asked him:  Why don’t you just say yes, or no when he asks you.  His reply was interesting.  He said: “Its never that simple”

I thought that was illuminating.  “It may not be that simple for you, Mr. Greg, but it is that simple for your boss.  He doesn’t want the details; he wants to know whether you are going to make it happen or not.  He won’t slam you if you can’t.  But don’t stay on the fence.  Let him know, so he can move on.”

We talked for a while and I finally made the point that your boss is a busy guy.  You’ve got to come to him with solutions, not problems.  Come to him with recommendations.  Even if they aren’t perfect, suggestions for action are better than hand wringing about how things aren’t going to work.  If they CAN’T work and you know it, better tell the boss straight away, rather than later.   Meanwhile, Mr. Greg is working on his one-word answers.

What’s the moral of the story?

1. Communication, communication & communication – learn how to communicate with people and deliver your message in the right context.
2. Manage people’s expectation.
3. Be careful with the language you use.  Listen closely to people about what they may expect from you and chose your words carefully. 

Sometimes we do fall on something that seems small and not that significant i.e. “yes” or “no.”  We are all human beings and have our likes and dislikes on the small things.  And our decision making process is chaotic and back and forth, zigzagging between feelings, thoughts, facts, and analysis.  No exceptions with the CEOs and your boss.  You may offend them by saying or doing things at a dinner table, lunch event, or any other social functions.  And you don’t even know they may not like you any more.

Related Link:

how to communicate with your boss and other key decision makers at a social function?

Comments

[Helen Wang]

This is typical cultral issue. In the western / low context cultue, yes means yes, and no means no. However, in the eastern, or so called high context culture, yes doesn't necessarily mean yes and no doesn't always mean no. That's why your friend Mr. Greg has such a problem. I think both Greg and his boss should learn the communication etiquette from each other!