Both ladies had a big gut-laugh at a lunch gathering recently when they learned that each had used the “C” word with their husbands in their early days of life in the US. “C” is for “Confess”, of course. As in – “you have to confess…...”
These ladies thought themselves sophisticated individuals and ones who are well acclimated to life in America. Like many of their Chinese immigrant friends, they were accustomed to the reality of not always choosing the most appropriate English word, in their day-to-day conversations.
What they had really meant to say was – “husband, you have to admit . . . that something is . . .” Admission and confession are, somewhat different. And how did the husbands react? Both men responded with the same sort of message: “Confess?” Did I commit a sin? Did I commit a crime? If I need to confess I’ll go the priest. I won’t go to you for Confession darling!
The point being made here is that it’s not easy to grab the subtlety of a foreign language. As English non-native speakers, we all make mistakes of one kind or another. I am sure that many of you who are reading this blog would share the same feeling:
- A feeling of frustration that you didn’t mean to offend anyone but for whatever reason, you did because you couldn’t use the precise words for what you wanted to say.
- A feeling of struggle, searching all the vocabulary stored in your head to find the right word in discussions with people.
- A feeling of anxiety that you wish you could speak perfect English so you could add some flare to your professional and social conversations.
- A feeling of being stupid. Limited because you couldn’t strike an intelligent conversation with your American co-workers.
- A feeling of hoping they would have some sympathy for you, because you are not from the United States.
The truth is, you may be cut some slack by your American peers, if you are from another culture. But, you don’t really want to rely on such slack if you want to get ahead in your career. If you look around the Chinese professionals in the San Francisco Bay Area, you’ll be amazed by how many of them actually gained their PhDs and Masters degrees at top American universities. But, if the truth be told, many of them are stuck in mid-level engineering positions because their English communication skills are middling. They never blame themselves. Instead they complain that there is a glass ceiling in the Corporate American workplace.
“I look around at the people who are considered successful and found that they are very knowledgeable about so many different things. They can talk about food, movies, travel, wine and many other things which are not all related to what they do every day at work.” Said Joe Li, a software engineer at a high-tech company in Silicon Valley, who attended the CAEA Thanksgiving Rehearsal Dinner on 11/20. “I am here to learn about wine and fine-dinning related etiquette so that I know how to behave properly at different social occasions.”
Joe’s intention was to build a set of soft skills, which are often neglected by many Chinese professionals in Silicon Valley. Looking around Silicon Valley, there are so many Chinese associations. All of them are focused on the same thing. How to get funding for your startup? How to talk to VCs? How to build up your company? How to protect your IP? What business skills do you need to become a successful entrepreneur?
Certainly I am not against what these Chinese associations do. Instead, I think it is great to start entrepreneurship within the community and keep people updated on the new trends of the technology. As matter of fact, the beauty and power of creating a business drew me into starting and pursuing my own venture for about 2.5 years and sold it a month ago.
The story behind “you have to confess” is not just a silly joke about using the wrong English words. It is about the process of how we as Chinese immigrants adapt to life here in the US as sophisticated and professional individuals. Bottom line is that we are all human beings and we need to deal with other people (whether Chinese or Americans) at a level where you can click with each other emotionally. People on the street won’t understand all your modern lingo. Instead, they understand your smile, and your voice and your tone. And they understand the language, which relates to them. This is the same with your co-workers and your American peers – they all click on the language, which relates to their life.
Stay tuned for part two. We’ll share with you on the specific things you could do to build up your domain of soft-skills.
Vida,
I enjoy reading your blogs/newsletters. I feel we definitely have a lot to talk about. I will be out of town for Christmas and New Year. Perhpas we can catch up sometime early next year?
I have received email from Jenny as well.
Happy Holidays!
Helen
Posted by: Helen Wang | Monday, December 19, 2005 at 03:50 PM